How to Have Difficult Conversations: A Guide for Leaders
Most organizations are just one or two hard conversations away from experiencing breakthrough. While confrontation doesn’t come naturally to most people, avoiding difficult discussions can create invisible barriers and prevent growth.
Why Are Hard Conversations Important?
Hard conversations become necessary when patterns emerge, not just isolated incidents. It’s unfair to those you lead to withhold feedback when you’re frustrated. People can sense when something is wrong, and avoiding these discussions only makes things worse.
The Four A’s Framework for Difficult Conversations
1. Assess Your Frustration
Before initiating a hard conversation, examine why you’re truly frustrated. Look beyond surface issues to identify root causes:
- Is it about reputation?
- Are there selfish motivations?
- Is it about unrealized potential?
- Is it truly a pattern or just an isolated incident?
2. Prepare Notes
Keep ongoing notes about team members, including both positive and concerning observations. This isn’t about keeping a record of wrongs – it’s about:
- Tracking patterns over time
- Having specific examples ready
- Honoring people with accurate information
- Being prepared to address questions
3. Align to Mission and Vision
Frame the conversation around organizational values rather than personal preferences:
- Connect behavior to mission impact
- Reference core values
- Be clear about expectations
- Show how changes reinforce organizational goals
4. Require Action Steps
Every hard conversation needs clear next steps:
- Define specific changes needed
- Set measurable outcomes
- Create opportunities for small wins
- Offer support and resources
- Verify mutual understanding
How to Ensure the Conversation is Productive
- Enter with a clear outcome in mind
- Watch how people respond to feedback
- Give tangible ways to improve
- Ask how you can support them
- Have them repeat back what they heard
- Clarify any misunderstandings
Life Application
This week, identify one conversation you’ve been avoiding and apply the Four A’s framework:
- Write down why you’re truly frustrated
- Document specific examples and patterns
- Connect the issue to your organization’s mission
- Plan clear action steps before having the conversation
Ask yourself:
- What conversation have I been avoiding?
- Am I making the situation worse by waiting?
- Have I examined my own role in this situation?
- Do I have clear action steps in mind?
Remember: The goal isn’t to tear people down but to help them grow. Approach difficult conversations with humility and a genuine desire to see others succeed.
